The Explosive Emotions of Grief
Part of what makes grief so difficult is all the feelings associated with it. There are so many different emotional experiences tied to grief: rage, sadness, numbness, among others. And they never come up how or when you’d expect. In order to grieve and heal and learn to live with loss, we must accept that these emotions are a normal, healthy, and important part of the grief process.
Here are a few ideas to help you acknowledge, feel, and accept the emotions of your grief:
- Journaling or conversation prompt: “One feeling I’ve felt come up a lot lately is…”
- Share something that reminds you of your loved one and talk about the emotions it brings along.
- Write down anytime you have a burst of emotion whether it’s happy, sad, or angry. Or if you’re the artistic type draw/paint a different emotion everyday/the feeling you’re having in that moment.
- Listen to loved ones favorite music/watch their favorite movie, notice and allow whatever feelings come up.
- Write a letter to your loved one – let it be as full of emotion as you need it to be – then burn it, keep it, or rip it up.
Books and Resources
Video: Why knowing more about grief can make it suck less | Lisa Keefauver | TEDxUTAustin
Book: The Anger of Grief How to Understand, Embrace, and Restoratively Express Explosive Emotions after a Loss by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, PhD
Article: You Must Go Backward Before You Can Go Forward by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, PhD
Article: Grief Rituals and How They Help by Kelly Kowalchuk, MSW, LCSW
Article: Grief Rituals: Definition, Examples, & Ideas to Try by Adam Koenig, MA, RP, CCC, CT
Inspiration
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
– Vicki Harrison
“The tears, pain, guilt, and anguish that we feel in grief are all evidence of the love we have for them.”
– David Kessler
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”
– Washington Irving
“Get used to grief my friend
for once it calls
it does not take its leave
an unwanted guest
but a guest nonetheless
and a guest
we must receive.
Get used to grief my friend
for once it’s with you
it sticks like sea to shore
the folks who grieve
get no reprieve
just the learning
to live once more.
Get used to grief my friend
for when it arrives
it won’t be escorted out
so usher it in
let the grief win
it’s love
turned inside out.”
– Donna Ashworth, Inside Out
