Finding Identity After Loss
When someone we love dies, it can easily feel like we’ve also lost ourselves. Rediscovering yourself after loss is difficult and sometimes painful, but an important step in the grief journey. Here are some of the books and resources we recommend as well as some quotes to inspire you along the way.
If you’re not sure where to start, consider the following questions:
- What do you value the most?
- How are your values reflected in your life?
- What do you appreciate about yourself?
- What are you good at?
- What would you like to learn?
- What do you wish you knew more about?
- Who do you want to be?
- How do your loved ones describe you?
If you’re stuck, consider the saying, “Be the thing you loved most about the ones you’ve lost.” What is something your loved one embodied that you’d like to embody yourself? How can you develop that trait?
Discovering our identity can only happen from within. For example, the question, “who do I want to be?” is different than, “who should I be?”. The first question comes from a place of curiosity within yourself while the second is based on the expectations of who others expect you to be.
Check out this activity called Who Am I Now and consider inviting the people you love and trust to know you the best to help you explore.
Books and Resources
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore blog post by Litsa Williams
Finding Your Identity After the Loss of a Loved One blog post by Sharon Brubaker
When Grief Makes You Forget Who You Are blog post by Empathy’s Grief Specialists
Self discovery journal prompts: https://allisonsueelliott.com/self-discovery-journal-prompts/
Podcast: The Widowed Mom episode 15, Who Am I Now?
Video: Three Questions to Regain a Sense of Self After Loss
Inspiration
“Grief doesn’t have to define us, but it often reveals us – to ourselves and to others. In that sense, we are tested by grief and come to fully know ourselves.” Elaine Voci, PhD
“All that I seek is already within me” Louise Hay
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” Brene Brown
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Louise Hay
“Nourish yourself in a way that helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable, and you are worth the effort.” Deborah Day
