Dear Friends, Family, and Supporters
In the final weeks of 2021, like most of us, I find myself reflecting on this year. Honestly, I’m still processing the incredible growth and milestones the Brian Dagle Foundation has accomplished over the past twelve months.
Brian’s Healing Hearts hosted its first facilitator training so that we could expand the grief support groups to meet the increasing needs of people seeking support. The added groups allow us to open our doors and our virtual space to meet people where they are at and simply hold space for their grief. In this work, we are always reminded that it takes a village. I like to think that we’re part of that village by offering support groups, workshops, and individual grief therapy. We are grateful to offer the grief programs for free.
One of my cherished memories of 2021 is the “An Evening of Remembrance”, that was in July. It was a somber tribute to acknowledge the lives lost in Southeastern Connecticut to covid. The soaring temperatures did not hinder the 30 plus volunteers who came out to prep and distribute the over 800 luminaries along Main Streets in Niantic to make it all happen.
Throughout 2021, I was asked to teach suicide prevention and mental health programs. This year I reached thousands of people, virtually throughout the state. Education communities, state and local agencies, and businesses, listened and learned about the once taboo subject on how to support people in a mental health crisis. Now, more than ever, we need to continue this conversation.
And then there was you! Our supporters, sponsors, and volunteers. Without your trust in our mission, we could not make this happen. When we ask. you say yes. We are sincerely humbled by your generosity of time and resources.
The Brian Dagle Foundation began in 2014, Brian’s Healing Hearts opened in 2018. Never could I have envisioned the impact we have made on so many lives. For anyone we’ve reached, you are the reason.
Thank you opening your hearts to us. We look forward to see what is ahead for us in 2022.
Wishing you moments of peace-
Ann
With our deepest gratitude – we thank all the sponsors supporting the 2021 Niantic Jingle Bell 5K. Your generosity allows the Brian Dagle Foundation to provide healing, hope, and support for grieving adults as well as community education on suicide prevention and awareness.
Ameriprise Financial, Old Saybrook
Ameriprise Financial, Stratford
Boats, Inc.
Buckley Appraisal Services, Inc.
Charter Oak Federal Credit Union
Connecticut Coast Media
The Day
Family Pizza Restaurant
Flanders Fish Market and Restaurant
Fountain-Timmons Team – William Pitt Sotheby’s International Realty
Green Home Solutions
McNamara & McNamara, P.A.
Niantic Lions Club
Niantic Public House and Brewery, LLCWaller, Smith & Palmer, LLC
Principle Wealth Partners
R&W Heating Energy Solutions, LLC
Rotary Club of Niantic
Sava Insurance Group, Inc.
United Community and Family Services (UCFS)
Verizon Wireless Zone New London
Village Wine and Spirits
Whelan Engineering Company
November 12, 2021
The brain. The heart. So close yet so far. I’m reminded of this again, even after ten years of grieving the loss of my son. Brian died by suicide in 2011.
For the most part, I’m doing well. Loving and living a meaning full life. They say, finding meaning is the final stage of grief. Is there a final stage of grief?
For this ten year “anniversary” of Brian’s death, the brave me asked his friends to share pictures and memories of him. They did. Then, on that ever-dreadful day, I found the courage within my brave self to travel to Castleton University, in Castleton Vermont, the place Brian so deeply loved. Also, the place he died. His happy place. Whenever I voiced my concern for him, I remember Brian always assuring me that this was his “safe place, mom.” I’m good here.
The good news is, I did it. A reminder to myself, to never say never. Never did I imagine I would travel to Vermont again. The thought of it would send panic through me.
In the early years, the sight of a Vermont license plate bring shivers.
To be honest, going to Vermont, especially on that day, was not my idea. But with some gentle coaching, Matthew, my middle son suggested we do it. He knew I had wanted to go there but I could never initiate the trip.
“It’s going to be hard Mom, really hard. But let’s just do it.” The thought of having a plan of action that day rather than sitting around waiting to for the day to end seemed like a better option.
But here’s the thing. The brain knows he’s gone, after ten years, the heart does too. Yet, starring at the pictures, walking the Castleton campus, surrounded by the Green Mountains, remembering his love for the outdoors, screamed to me, “he’s really dead”. The “whys” start to bubble back to the surface. He had so much going for him. WHY? Reliving the “woulda, couda, shoulda’s we do after someone we love dies. Ugh, here I go again, sliding down that rabbit hole. My brain screams, stop this nonsense, it’s been ten years. My heart cries, ten years, it feels like yesterday, it feels like forever.
In the end, going to Vermont was good for me. I’m glad I did. It was the anticipation of the unknown that was holding me back. One thing my brain and heart will agree on is that sometimes the hardest things we do are the best things we can do for ourselves to heal.
In hope-Ann
On November 12th, it will be ten years since the death of my son Brian, Whew. It’s been a long, turbulent road. But the years have soften the sharpness of my grief. I’ve learned that grief never end because it’s simply the price you pay for love, and love never dies. Now, my days are filled with memories that make me smile instead of cry. Yet, there are days when I get in “that place of overwhelming grief”, and I know it’s time to dig deep into my toolbox and pull out what I need for support
I would give back the lessons and gifts I’ve received during the past ten years in an instant, if only I could just have Brian back for a minute, but I know that’s impossible. So, I hold the precious moments and the people who’ve come into my life close to my heart, finding gratitude in the gifts of grief.
I thought I’d share more lessons I’ve learned…
1. Through the miracles of love, hope, and life, you survive the unimaginable.
2. Trust your heart, it will lead you in the direction you are meant to follow.
3. Create boundaries to keep you safe.
4. Give yourself permission take care of yourself, put your oxygen mask on first.
5. Feel the ugliness of your pain, it is the only way to the other side.
6. It’s okay to feel love and joy again.
7. Love is stronger than fear. Love fearlessly.
8. Surround yourself with unconditional love and support. Always.
9. Say their name. OUT LOUD!
10. Love never dies. Hold on to it. Share it. Spread it.
Wishing you moments of peace-
Ann
September is Suicide Awareness Month.
It’s an opportunity to educate ourselves on a subject we tend to avoid.
Suicide Awareness and Prevention is a core part of the mission of the Brian Dagle Foundation which was founded in 2014 after the loss of my 19-year old son Brian to suicide. Back then, in 2011, there was little or no conversation about mental health and suicide. I did not know then what I know now. If I did, maybe my life would look very different.
In the era of post Covid-19, as we try to piece our worlds back together, our mental health should remain a priority, and be treated the same as our physical health. It’s more important than ever that we be there for each other and take steps to prevent suicide. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death. In 2019, 47,511 people died by suicide and it is estimated that over 1.38 million people attempted suicide.
You don’t have to be a mental health professional to make a difference. There are simple things we can all do to safeguard our mental health, and you don’t have to do it alone.
A few of the warning signs to look for maybe any change in normal behavior, sleep disturbances, impulsivity, and anxiety. Suicide is a complex issue. However, through education and awareness we can all learn new ways to help each other and save lives. We are pleased to be hosting a free community QPR suicide prevention training on September 30th.
Our family, along with many other supporters, survivors, and those living with mental health will be participating in the Niantic Out of the Darkness Walk on September 19th. We’re excited that the Bright Music Festival will be joining us at the Niantic Walk to further promote mental health awareness with resources, activities, and of course music to brighten our day!!
Please consider joining us as walk out of the darkness and into the light of hope, honoring the lives lost but also the lives we may save.
If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 1-800-273-8255(TALK) or text HOME to 741-741
To learn more about suicide awareness and prevention and the work of the Brian Dagle Foundation and Brian’s Healing Hearts Center, visit https://brianshealinghearts.org
Wising you moments of peace-
Ann
Dear Friends and Supporters-
As I sit down to write this message, it’s that wonderful time of the year, the 2020 Holiday Season. A season we like to imagine is filled with joy, peace, and hope. This year, ask people how they feel about the holiday season, and their response might be, “For this year, peace, joy, and hope have either been deferred or out of work”. For me, there is one word that describes the holidays of 2020. No, it’s not that word, it is this one — HOPE.
Hope is to want an outcome that makes your life or someone else’s life better. It not only can help make a tough situation more bearable, it can eventually improve our lives because envisioning a better future motivates you to take the steps to make it happen.
Whether we realize it or not, everyone looks for hope at sometime in their life. It’s what humans do. Hope helps us find light in the darkest of times. It can define what and how we want our future world to be. We make it our story, searching for hope, creating a better outcome.
But then, at times, in life, there is hopelessness. When there
is no light, only dark, and not even a flicker of candlelight to find a way through.
During this exceptionally unusual and difficult Holiday Season, many have the ability to be the light, the hope holder for the ones who are struggling. It’s really very simple. Check in, make a phone call, pay it forward, donate food, offer your time. Quoting Nike- “Just do it”.
It is my hope, that some of you, will be a glimmer of light in the darkest of days for that friend, family member, or stranger by offering the simplest act of caring and kindness.
Wishing you moments of joy, peace, and hope during this Holiday season.
Ann
As summer comes to an end, September welcomes cooler days and a return to some sense of order in our new reality. September is also National Suicide Awareness Month and September 10th is National Suicide Awareness Day.
For myself and for the Brian Dagle Foundation, it is a month to highlight the mission of the foundation through an increase in community education, awareness, and trainings.
It also allows me to share my story, with the hope that no one else has to experience a loss to suicide but at the same time, if someone has suffered the unimaginable loss of a loved one to suicide, you are not alone. There are thousands of survivors of suicide loss. I did say thousands because in the United States, from the most current data, 48,344 people died by suicide in 2018. This makes suicide the 10th leading cause of death. Suicide takes more lives in the U.S. than homicide, war and natural disasters combined.
Here in Connecticut, we lose over 400 people a year to suicide, one person every 21 hours. There are several support groups in the state for those who have lost a loved one to suicide including a bi-monthly groups offered by the Brian Dagle Foundation.
There are ways in which you can make a difference. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Connecticut Chapter offers free educational training and programming.
There are Community Walks throughout our state. This year we are stronger than ever with 6 Out of the Darkness Walk Experiences statewide. For more info on the walks and information please go to https://afsp.org/chapter/connecticut#events
Please join me this month, take the step to educate yourself on this difficult but potentially life saving matter. To learn more, or to schedule a training for yourself, school or business please contact me at ann@brianshealinghearts.org.
In hope-Ann
2020 is proving to be a year filled with challenges. We are being tested in ways none of us could’ve ever imagined. And also happens to be a new decade for the world and for me! As I begin a new decade of my life, I find myself reflecting on the lessons learned and the challenges I’ve faced. Below some of my reflections, thoughts, and advise I would give to my younger self.
My Dear Ann,
Be present. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You cannot change the past but you can change how you react to it. Loosen your grip on the future- it really is out of your control.
Honor your mistakes, learn from them. Forgive yourself. Don’t dwell on the “if only”.
Listen to your heart. It is your truth. Always remember that a broken heart still beats. Trust that it will always lead you to the path you were meant to travel.
The lessons we seek are not found in books or inspirational messages. It much more than that. Search your soul. Go deep. Again, and again until you see the truth you were meant to find.
The truth is life is can be messy. Following all the rules does not immunize you from pain. There will be bad days and good days. Lean onto the goodness, it can change in an instance.
Always be gracious and kind. You never know what someone else is going through. We all have a story.
Be humble and proud of you. And never underestimate your power. You’ve had the power all along my dear, you just didn’t know it. In time, your time your light will shine through.
Feel it. The hurt, the pain, the sadness, the joy, and happiness too. Feel is all. Live it all. Embrace it.
Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is to accept the unacceptable. You are not a super hero. It’s impossible to fix everything or make things better. It’s hard.
And finally my dear, remember, you are braver, stronger, and smarter than you ever imagined. You are loved.
Love-
Me
Join us for the 6th Annual Brian Dagle Foundation Golf Tournament on Sunday, September 20, 2020, at Cedar Ridge Golf Course. All proceeds from the golf tournament support the free programs at the Brian Dagle Foundation and Brian’s Healing Hearts Grief Support Center.
What I’ve learned…
Going backward before you go forward. Reflecting back to 2019.
Ironically, this was written before the uncertainty of the events we face today. In the chaos of life, I am grateful for the gift of time and reflection. I see now more than ever, this post is appropriate.
As the new year begins, typically I try and reflect on a word that best describes the year in review-a glance in the rear view mirror as I reflect on what best describes my experiences in 2019. What can I take away from each experience as I work to move forward.
This is a lesson I learned early in my grief journey from my mentor, Dr. Alan Wolfelt. He taught me that in grief, many times, we go backward before we move forward. For me, I know this to be true. Has it happened to you? So often people say to me, “I thought I was doing good. It felt as though I was turning a corner and making progress, then wham, I feel like I’m back at the beginning.” I tell them, buckle up, wear a helmet and maybe additional padding is needed for this roller-coaster ride called GRIEF. It’s a one way ride of ups and downs, twists and turns, lows and highs. “Does it ever end?”, they ask. With a gentle reply, I answer, “No”. But the ride changes, it gets different. The highs carry you to the next low. The twist and turns are not so sharp. They don’t take your breath away as often. It gets different. Without realizing it- HOPE begins filter in.
In 2019, the Brian Dagle Foundation and Brian’s Healing Hearts reached thousands of people with their mission, “Anchored in Hope”- and empowered to support, is dedicated to the healing of grieving adults as well as community education on suicide prevention and awareness. Every support group, workshop, suicide prevention education training program, and every fundraiser, hope was the underlying theme. There is smiles in between tears. There is an understanding that it’s ok to ask for help and to know that people care-knowing you are not alone.
Hope is my word for 2019.