In April, we remember Brian. On April 2, Brian would be celebrating his 32nd birthday. When we remember someone who is no longer here on earth to celebrate their birthday, so many emotions flood our hearts.
Today, I share some of my experience when I think of Brian and his birthday.
It usually starts as February ends and March begins; it’s like clockwork. My body feels different. My heart is heavy, tears drop easy. The shift just happens. It’s been happening since that first birthday without you: April 2nd .
It is the thoughts, the questions, the missing. It returns, like an unwanted friend. But we learn to befriend our grief for it is our love with no place to go.
It is kind of wondering: wondering why you left and why we couldn’t help you. You were so loved. I wonder.
I remember the wonder of you as a child: your charm and your passion for everything and anyone in your path.
I wonder about this life, and how it has unfolded with you there and I am here.
I wonder where there is.
I wonder about your life at 32.
I know that some of the wonder isn’t wonder. Some of it is a knowing.
I know you are with me.
I know you are guiding me.
I know you are my reason.
I know I will always be your mom.
I know I love you forever.
Happy Birthday Brian.
A note from Chelsea Bourn, Brian Dagle Foundation Program Coordinator:
It’s been such a pleasure getting to know the Brian Dagle Foundation community since I started as Program Coordinator at the beginning of December.
From my first week at the Jingle Bell 5k, it was evident how compassionate and welcoming everyone is and how impactful and important the services here are to the shoreline community and beyond.
Though grief and loss are a new scope of practice for me professionally, I am finding many parallels with my background in mental health and trauma-focused work’ which; I am looking forward to applying and exploring with a new lens at Brians Healing Hearts. As I have navigated my own healing journey the last several years, I have been repeatedly reminded of the importance of supportive community, remaining present, and finding joy in small moments.
Perhaps some can relate: I tend to fill my time with tasks to avoid feeling my feelings which is productive but not incredibly healthy. When I wasn’t quite as far along in my journey, I used to giggle at the suggestion of mindfulness, thinking only of a monk in a garden sitting still for hours on end unbothered by flies landing on the top of their nose. I thought “that’s not for me” until I was challenged by my therapist to be mindful in everyday tasks, one little moment at a time. I started with simple awareness of the weight of my seat bones while I was driving past a certain spot…that’s not so hard! I noticed how I tended to put more weight in my right seat bone, how my thigh turned slightly to the right with the outstretch of my foot, and how my pinky toe felt inside my boot. For a brief moment, instead of mentally spiraling about how I could’ve said or done something differently, I simply noticed how it felt to be inside my car, sitting in the drivers seat, holding the steering wheel.
My humble mindfulness beginnings have changed and expanded little by little and, while I’m not going to be sitting in a garden for hours any time soon, it’s been (dare I say it) fun to find ways to incorporate mindfulness into everyday tasks. In my role here at the Dagle Foundation, I hope to be part of your healing journey as many others have been part of mine. Whether it involves commiserating over previous attempts at mindfulness, direct companioning, developing therapeutic curricula, or coordinating special events, I am sincerely grateful for the opportunity to contribute meaningfully to the important work that goes on here.
I had the chance to attend a conference in January titled with Dr. Alan Wolfelt from the Center for Loss and Life Transition. The conference, “Living with Meaning and Purpose,” was created by Dr Wolfelt to help people maximize their natural gifts and strengths.
The conference covered:
- Finding your talents and gifts
- Discovering your passion and calling
- What is your ideal work setting
- What is your capacity for self care
- Discover your vision for your ever evolving purpose
- And finally putting this all together to create a Purposeful Life Plan.
For me, it reaffirmed that I’m doing the work I should be doing. Brian’s Healing Hearts heals the hearts of so many, but it also provides healing for me.
Trust me, it’s taken me a long time!! Over 12 years (or more) because I finally feel I’m where I’m supposed to be in all aspects of my life — in relationships, at home, spiritually, and personally.
I can’t wait to share more about the conference with you and I’m excited for how we will continue to help people living with loss find purpose and meaning as we all continue to heal together.
Scanning through my 2023 calendar, I feel a myriad of emotions bubbling up to the surface.
Humbled, grateful, overwhelmed, and love are just some of what I am feeling.
There is no doubt that 2023 was a year of growth at the Brian Dagle Foundation. And, I find, with each year, I am also growing, changing, and transforming from the loss of Brian. I have to believe that everyday Brian is teaching me how to love, live, and be the person I am.
After 12 years, I’ve learned to befriend the grief. There’s a knowing, an understanding of the undeniable connection between grief and love. Is this thing we are feeling still called grief or is it really our love with no place to go?
The people who come to Brian’s Healing Hearts Center for Hope and Healing come for a reason; they’ve entered the wilderness of grief. And when the storm is over, you will wonder how you survived. But you will survive. My hope is that you will do more than survive and perhaps thrive. I hold you all close in my heart.
I advocate, educate, and speak about suicide awareness and mental health to make a to start the conversation, hoping to make a difference in one life. Although each time I present or speak, I wonder, if I knew then what I know now, maybe my life would be very different.
There were many years when I couldn’t look towards the new year. The thought of another year without Brian was too painful. But I know he is with me- guiding me everyday. Today, I can say that I’m excited to see what the new year brings. It is my sincere hope that someday you will look forward to the new year too. Until then, be kind to yourself.
As for the Brian Dagle Foundation and Brian’s Healing Hearts, it was a year of growth and transformation with incredible opportunities that continue to open doors.
The Cottage at Brian’s Healing Hearts was completed in the spring. We are grateful to the Edward and Mary Lord Foundation https://theedwardandmarylordfoundation.org/ for their very generous donation to help us with the total cost. This serene new space allows for us to host larger support groups, workshops, and events. Often, we offer two groups at once.
We completed another successful LAX2LIVE season which included 21 games with 34 schools, reaching more than 1,000 athletes, parents, and coaches. We continue the conversation on mental health and suicide awareness. “It’s okay not to be okay, there is help. Let’s talk about it.”
The grief support programs at Brian’s Healing Hearts continue to grow as referrals come in from across the state with around 13 grief support groups each month. We added a virtual Family & Friends for anyone grieving the loss of someone close to them.
In June I received the highest Patriot’s Foundation Myra Kraft MVP award for our work at the Dagle Foundation (you can read more at https://www.patriots.com/video/patriots-foundation-celebrates-26-myra-kraft-community-mvp-award-winners). As you can see in the video, I was completely speechless and words to explain how I felt receiving this award still escape me. But Brian was a true Patriots fan, and he is smiling down thrilled knowing his mother has her own Patriot’s football.
Opportunities continued to unfold for the Brian Dagle Foundation in the fall. We were chosen to be the Hometown Charity for the Share the Love Event with Subaru. We are grateful to Reynolds’ Subaru in Lyme for selecting us to be part of this incredible campaign. (click to learn more: https://www.reynoldssubaru.com/)
A huge thank you to Reynolds’ Subaru as the first race sponsor for the 10th Niantic Jingle Bell 5K.
It was our 10th Niantic Jingle Bell 5K – WOW. It was a record-breaking year.
Sponsorships were the highest ever!! There were 1500+ registered and $18k+ in donations!
The Brian Dagle Foundation welcomed a new program coordinator Chelsea Bourn. Chelsea has worked her entire career in nonprofit programming. She will be working with the current grief support programs as well as community education on mental health and suicide awareness. Chelsea will also develop new programs that align with our mission. Welcome to our team, Chelsea!
If there is one thing we know for sure: the need for the mission of the Brian Dagle Foundation is needed now more than ever. Anchored in hope and empowered to support, we are dedicated to the healing of grieving adults as well as community education on mental health and suicide awareness.
At Brian’s Healing Hearts we are proud to have created a safe space where healing can begin. And each conversation on mental health and suicide awareness seeds are planted that hope is possible.
Thank you for trusting us.
In closing, I will share with you part of my favorite quote from Winnie the Pooh, “Remember, if there is ever a day when we are not together, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think”.
Wishing you moments of peace in the new year ahead.
Ann
As 2023 draws to a close, we recognize that the holidays can be a difficult time for those dealing with loss. We have several upcoming events with those people in mind.
We hope you’ll join us and if not, we send you our warmest wishes for the holiday season and new year.
Warmly,
Ann & The Brian Dagle Foundation Family
Another November comes around without Brian and I’m reminded of the ten lessons I have learned from my grief.
Here are ten lessons for you to remember:
1. Be present. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You cannot change the past but you can change how you react to it. Loosen your grip on the future- it really is out of your control.
2. Honor your mistakes, learn from them. Forgive yourself. Don’t dwell on the “if only”. Listen to your heart. It is your truth.
3. Always remember that a broken heart still beats. Trust that it will always lead you to the path you were meant to travel.
4. The lessons we seek are not found in books or inspirational messages. It’s much more than that. Search your soul. Go deep. Again, and again until you see the truth you were meant to find.
5. The truth is life can be messy. Following all the rules does not immunize you from pain. There will be bad days and good days. Lean into the goodness, it can change in an instant.
6. Always be gracious and kind. You never know what someone else is going through. We all have a story.
7. Be humble and proud of yourself. And never underestimate your power. You’ve had the power all along my dear, you just didn’t know it. In time, your time your light will shine through.
8. Feel it. The hurt, the pain, the sadness, the joy, and happiness too. Feel is all. Live it all. Embrace it.
9. Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is to accept the unacceptable. You are not a superhero. It’s impossible to fix everything or make things better. It’s hard.
10. Finally, my dear, remember – you are braver, stronger, and smarter than you ever imagined. You are loved.
With love,
Ann & the Dagle Foundation Family
We shared Brian and our story all over New England. We taught QPR and did tables and pop up at schools and Patriot’s Place. We had middle schoolers paint inspiring messages on rocks for our healing garden and walked with many of you at the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk. We are hosting more support groups than ever before and we finished construction on our new space: The Cottage.
But we’re not done. We have so many exciting things coming up.
I’d like to personally invite you to join us for:
- The Cottage ribbon cutting ceremony
Thursday, October 19th, 3:30-4:30pm - What’s Next? Grief Retreat for those 2+ Years from Loss
Saturday, October 21st, 9am-3pm - Grief & Spirituality Speaker Series with J.S. Park
Monday, November 13th, 6:30-8pm - 10th Annual Niantic Jingle Bell 5k REGISTER NOW!
Saturday, December 9th
For more details and registration for each of these, see our calendar at BriansHealingHearts.org/Events
Thank you for your continued support!
Ann & The Brian Dagle Foundation Family
P.S. We are planning on having our biggest race yet this December! Register today to save your spot: BriansHealingHearts.org/JingleBell5k
Since 2008, September has been dedicated to Suicide Prevention Month.
It’s been 15 years but there is still so much awareness needed about this topic. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s (AFSP) latest campaign “Talk Away the Dark” is a touching discussion between a daughter and father surrounding the stigma of mental health and suicide.
AFSP believes there are many reasons why people shy away from this discussion, a common one being, “We might worry that saying the wrong thing will make it worse. So, we end up not saying anything – even though a few kind words can make the difference in connecting someone to help or supporting someone who experienced a suicide loss.”
For me, Suicide Awareness Month means I stand a little taller, speak a little louder, and try with all my heart to be the voice for the more than 49,000 people that died in 2022 from suicide. The number of people that have attempted is considerably higher. But we have to have HOPE.
Despite the grim statistics, some say there is reason for optimism.
The National crisis line 988 was launched in July of 2022. Anyone in the U.S. can dial or text 988 to reach mental health specialists. With the implementation of 988, calls to the crisis line have doubled and texts to the number have increased more than 1,000%.
Another reason for HOPE is that the CDC is expanding a suicide program to fund more prevention work in different communities. And there’s growing awareness of the issue and that it’s OK to ask for help. We’ve learned that sometimes it”s ok not to be ok.
It’s been almost 12 years since Brian died by suicide. Never did I imagine my life as a mother would take this path. Through the years I’ve learned that the why’s I ask will never be answered. But now, I know what I didn’t know then. I know that talking about mental health, maybe one family might have the conversation that I didn’t even know how to have. Or I know that I can be there for a family in their darkest days and let them know they are not alone.
This is the month I will share, I will educate, I will advocate, and do whatever I need to be heard because I can and because I do it for Brian and the thousands of others we lost or that are struggling.
This month and every month, I ask for your help and support to start the conversation on mental health and suicide awareness.
August is usually a quiet time at Healing Hearts, but this year it has been as busy as any other month. We are gearing up for Suicide Prevention & Awareness month in September, our Annual Golf Tournament in October, and our 10th Annual Niantic Jingle Bell 5k in December!
We are also pleased to be offering a Community QPR Suicide Prevention with the Town of East Lyme and East Lyme Youth Services on Tuesday, August 15th at the Community Center. Just like CPR is a life-saving measure for heart attacks, QPR is a life-saving measure when it comes to suicide and mental health crisis. Every person that gets trained in QPR means more lives will be saved. You don’t have to be a medical or mental health professional to help save lives.
Please contact us to register: (860) 451-8354 or Info@BriansHealingHearts.org.
This spring, we were honored to be notified by the Connecticut Sports Media Alliance that our LAX2LIVE program was being awarded the Bob Casey Courage Award. It was humbling to be acknowledged for the work we do. We do it for the student athletes who need to know it’s okay to ask for help. And we do it for Brian.
A few weeks ago, the Patriots Foundation awarded us $25,000 for the work LAX2LIVE does and I am still at a loss for words. I am overwhelmed by the support of our community here in Connecticut and now of national organizations. This award money will be used to expand the LAX2LIVE program and reach more athletes.
I come back to the words I shared with the Patriots Foundation:
“Brian was always there for others,” said Ann. “Now, with the volunteer work I’ve done and continue to do, I’m carrying on his love for family, friends and community, sharing him with the world. Honestly, this award is for him. He is the reason why I educate and advocate for mental health and suicide awareness. This subject needs to come out of the darkness and into the light and normalize the conversation. It wasn’t talked about back then. Maybe if it was, my life would be very different. The volunteer work with the Brian Dagle Foundation, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the CT Suicide Advisory Board have given me precious gifts as well as a powerful sense of meaning and purpose that I never thought was possible again.”
We are honored to be recognized for the message of the LAX2LIVE program. This year we reached over 1,000 athletes, coaches and families. It’s a simple but important message. It gives them permission to talk about mental health and suicide. It lets these kids know that it’s ok sometimes not to be ok. This recognition inspires us to continue the message.