Reflecting on Joy and Grief

Last month’s newsletter on joy and grief sparked several conversations from our community: How do we find light in the midst of the darkness? Can we honestly hold joy and grief together? 

Some of you strongly declared that at this point in your grief – less than 2 years for some – it was a hard, “no.” There was no joy, no happiness. In fact, as one of our members described this moment in their life and grief as though they were watching an old television: life was only to be viewed in black and white. There were others who were grateful for the inspirational words of understanding and hope. At this point, for better or worse, in their grief, they understood that both joy and grief were here to stay with them. 

I remember those days well. I embraced the darkness: it felt safer to stay in the dark because venturing into light opened the possibility of more pain.

In time, I started to dip my toe in the scary pond of life and began to search for moments of peace, glimmers, or little tiny pieces that reminded me that life was worth splashing in the water. Sometimes I ran back into the darkness because the water was ice cold. Other times, it wasn’t too hot or too cold, it was tolerable.

Until it wasn’t.

My tolerance for life was altered. Truth be told, there are times when it still is. 

I’ve learned to see and savor the moments of peace and the glimmers of joy. To use them to carry me though when the water is too cold. I’ve also learned to give myself grace. If the glimmers don’t glimmer for me, I trust that the moments of peace will find their way to my heart when I am ready to experience them.

Sending love as you navigate whichever part of grief you find yourself in,

Ann Dagle

---