Only Control What You Can
Life often feels out of control, but when we experience loss, any illusion of control we once had disappears. It’s a common response to grab a tighter hold on any and every thing you could possibly control so that there aren’t any more surprises. If anything else goes wrong, we are certain we won’t survive. But this attempt at total control often makes healing impossible – when we hold tightly onto everything that might change or might go wrong, we also hold ourselves back from growth, and joy, and goodness. A few questions to ask yourself:How do you know when it’s time to let go of some of the anger and control in your grief?What are you holding onto that you need to let go of?What are you trying to control that isn’t yours to control?How would your grief change if you only kept what is yours to control and hold on to?
Books and Resources
Blog: “Loss of Control in Grief” by Eleanor Haley
Blog: “What We Can and Can’t Control in Grief” by Lisa Appelo (includes some religious reflection)
Blog: “Controlling Controllables: The Key to Finding Direction in Uncertain Times” by Brianna Matey
Blog: “75 Things You Can Control” by Margarita Tartakovsky, MS
Inspiration
“Anger might give us a false sense of control over things that are not in our control.” – Dr Alan Wolfelt
“Focus on what you can do given the situation – look for opportunities in every problem instead of getting stuck in despair or frustration over something that cannot be changed.” – Brianna Matey
“You may find that you begin
to measure your life
before
and after
they left.
And that’s okay. Just be sure
whatever you do
whatever tiny grain of strength
you have left
that you strive
to fill up the after
as richly
and as beautifully
as they helped you fill
the before. The before
is committed to memory now
but the after
is totally up to you.
Make it count.” – Donna Ashworth, Before and After
