Cherishing Loved Ones & Rituals After Loss
An important part of grief is learning to cherish; how do you love and honor someone who has died and all your memories with them as you heal from their loss?
What smells, foods, objects, and places remind you of your loved one? How can you incorporate those things into your daily life? Consider sharing a photo or other cherished item with someone.
Grief rituals are also a helpful way to do this. Here are a few ideas:
Honoring Rituals:
- Visit gravesites or burial grounds at regular intervals to remember the deceased and honor their life.
- Continue tasks, chores or traditions that were important to the deceased as a way to build their legacy.
Letting Go Rituals:
- Journaling or writing about painful emotions, and then choosing a symbolic way of releasing those emotions, such as burning the pages or releasing them over a body of water.
- Choosing symbols to look for that remind us of the loved one (red birds, butterflies, rainbows, etc.), noticing how they come and go in your daily life.
Rituals of Self-Transformation:
- Journal or create art which represents the things you learned from your loved one and the way your relationship with them changed you. Ask yourself, how will I carry these lessons forward?
- Meditate and complete a value card sort to identify what is most important to you moving forward. Identify actions to move you closer to these values and take steps toward accomplishing these actions.
Books and Resources
Book: Cherishing: The Art of Fully Living While Still Honoring Those Who’ve Died by Dr. Alan Wolfelt
Video: The Art of Cherishing during the Holiday Season with Dr. Alan Wolfelt
Article: The Art of Cherishing by Dr. Alan Wolfelt
Article: Small Rituals for Mourning by Carol Ricks Bowman
Inspiration
“Grief cherishing makes you better at life cherishing.” Dr Alan Wolfelt
“How do you learn to cherish yourself, your life, when grief has made it unrecognizable? I am starting to feel that we do so not by trying to fill a void that can never be filled but by living as best as we can in this strange, yawning terrain our loved ones have left behind, exploring its jagged boundaries and learning to see it as something new.” Nicole Chung
“I learned that his story did not end when his life did.” Ann Irr Dagle
“When it’s the holiday season and someone you love has passed, it can feel like the rest of the world has moved on so very quickly. I hope you find moments of peace as you process your grief and moments of joy recalling cherished memories. Be gentle with yourself.” Christi, Written Hug Designs
“If you wish to love me still,
when I leave,
you can,
by loving others,
by giving new love,
by not losing hope,
by still seeing joy,
by living your life like it cries to be lived,
by letting go when the natural order demands it,
by being at peace with the circle of time.
If you wish to love me still,
when I leave,
you can,
by loving life,
by loving all that is life,
by loving yourself most of all,
the way that I loved you.
For now that I cannot, you must.
Love yourself
and you will love me still.
Love your life
and you will love me still.”
Donna Ashworth
From her grief poetry book ‘LOSS’
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