As summer comes to an end, September welcomes cooler days and a return to some sense of order in our new reality. September is also National Suicide Awareness Month and September 10th is National Suicide Awareness Day.
For myself and for the Brian Dagle Foundation, it is a month to highlight the mission of the foundation through an increase in community education, awareness, and trainings.
It also allows me to share my story, with the hope that no one else has to experience a loss to suicide but at the same time, if someone has suffered the unimaginable loss of a loved one to suicide, you are not alone. There are thousands of survivors of suicide loss. I did say thousands because in the United States, from the most current data, 48,344 people died by suicide in 2018. This makes suicide the 10th leading cause of death. Suicide takes more lives in the U.S. than homicide, war and natural disasters combined.
Here in Connecticut, we lose over 400 people a year to suicide, one person every 21 hours. There are several support groups in the state for those who have lost a loved one to suicide including a bi-monthly groups offered by the Brian Dagle Foundation.
There are ways in which you can make a difference. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Connecticut Chapter offers free educational training and programming.
There are Community Walks throughout our state. This year we are stronger than ever with 6 Out of the Darkness Walk Experiences statewide. For more info on the walks and information please go to https://afsp.org/chapter/connecticut#events
Please join me this month, take the step to educate yourself on this difficult but potentially life saving matter. To learn more, or to schedule a training for yourself, school or business please contact me at ann@brianshealinghearts.org.
In hope-Ann
2020 is proving to be a year filled with challenges. We are being tested in ways none of us could’ve ever imagined. And also happens to be a new decade for the world and for me! As I begin a new decade of my life, I find myself reflecting on the lessons learned and the challenges I’ve faced. Below some of my reflections, thoughts, and advise I would give to my younger self.
My Dear Ann,
Be present. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You cannot change the past but you can change how you react to it. Loosen your grip on the future- it really is out of your control.
Honor your mistakes, learn from them. Forgive yourself. Don’t dwell on the “if only”.
Listen to your heart. It is your truth. Always remember that a broken heart still beats. Trust that it will always lead you to the path you were meant to travel.
The lessons we seek are not found in books or inspirational messages. It much more than that. Search your soul. Go deep. Again, and again until you see the truth you were meant to find.
The truth is life is can be messy. Following all the rules does not immunize you from pain. There will be bad days and good days. Lean onto the goodness, it can change in an instance.
Always be gracious and kind. You never know what someone else is going through. We all have a story.
Be humble and proud of you. And never underestimate your power. You’ve had the power all along my dear, you just didn’t know it. In time, your time your light will shine through.
Feel it. The hurt, the pain, the sadness, the joy, and happiness too. Feel is all. Live it all. Embrace it.
Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is to accept the unacceptable. You are not a super hero. It’s impossible to fix everything or make things better. It’s hard.
And finally my dear, remember, you are braver, stronger, and smarter than you ever imagined. You are loved.
Love-
Me
Join us for the 6th Annual Brian Dagle Foundation Golf Tournament on Sunday, September 20, 2020, at Cedar Ridge Golf Course. All proceeds from the golf tournament support the free programs at the Brian Dagle Foundation and Brian’s Healing Hearts Grief Support Center.
What I’ve learned…
Going backward before you go forward. Reflecting back to 2019.
Ironically, this was written before the uncertainty of the events we face today. In the chaos of life, I am grateful for the gift of time and reflection. I see now more than ever, this post is appropriate.
As the new year begins, typically I try and reflect on a word that best describes the year in review-a glance in the rear view mirror as I reflect on what best describes my experiences in 2019. What can I take away from each experience as I work to move forward.
This is a lesson I learned early in my grief journey from my mentor, Dr. Alan Wolfelt. He taught me that in grief, many times, we go backward before we move forward. For me, I know this to be true. Has it happened to you? So often people say to me, “I thought I was doing good. It felt as though I was turning a corner and making progress, then wham, I feel like I’m back at the beginning.” I tell them, buckle up, wear a helmet and maybe additional padding is needed for this roller-coaster ride called GRIEF. It’s a one way ride of ups and downs, twists and turns, lows and highs. “Does it ever end?”, they ask. With a gentle reply, I answer, “No”. But the ride changes, it gets different. The highs carry you to the next low. The twist and turns are not so sharp. They don’t take your breath away as often. It gets different. Without realizing it- HOPE begins filter in.
In 2019, the Brian Dagle Foundation and Brian’s Healing Hearts reached thousands of people with their mission, “Anchored in Hope”- and empowered to support, is dedicated to the healing of grieving adults as well as community education on suicide prevention and awareness. Every support group, workshop, suicide prevention education training program, and every fundraiser, hope was the underlying theme. There is smiles in between tears. There is an understanding that it’s ok to ask for help and to know that people care-knowing you are not alone.
Hope is my word for 2019.
Dear Friends and Supporters,
I hope this message finds you and your family safe-doing the best you possibly can at this moment in time. As we pass an entire month of “sheltering in place”, I find my thoughts drifting to so many of you who have touched a special place in my heart. People who have lost a loved one and gave themselves permission to be vulnerable, sharing openly about their grief. I’m grateful to the many communities and schools that took a stand, made a difference, and started the conversation on suicide prevention and mental health. I want to assure you that now more than ever, The Brian Dagle Foundation is dedicated to our community, to be a source of hope, healing, and support in the weeks and months ahead.
Grief support groups are being held via Zoom. I assure you that I am committed to providing a safe space for people to share their losses and find comfort in knowing they are not alone. Having said that, sadly, losses in life continue to happen. New members are always welcome. All groups are listed on the event schedule at brianshealinghearts.org. Private grief support is an option via a phone conversation or Zoom. There is never a fee.
I’ve been working with Schools and Youth Service organizations to provide videos and webinars on suicide prevention and mental health. If possible, use some of this downtime as an opportunity to educate yourself and your community on the risks and warning signs of suicide. Please let me know how I can help.
Finally, I can’t end this message without saying this to all of you. Our minds and hearts are spinning with an overload of information coming at us in all directions. At any given moment, we all are doing the best that we can. Focusing and staying on task is challenging. Collectively we are grieving the loss of our life before COVID19.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. Know that sometimes, it’s okay not to be okay. Please be kind to yourself.
It is my hope for all of us, that we will come through the other side. Quoting my favorite bear, “Remember, you are smarter, braver, and stronger than you ever imagined.” – Winnie the Pooh
With hope –
Ann
For more resources and inspirational ways to cope with the COVID-19 crisis, please click on the links below.
• Grieving Never Stops
• This Pandemic of Grief
• Coronavirus and the Six Needs of Mourning
The Brian Dagle Foundation has reached a momentous milestone. Five years ago we started with “Project Brian” whose sole purpose was to support parents who have lost a child and to provide support for people who lost a loved one to suicide.
It was through serendipitous events as well as the kindness of many of you that the foundation took roots in our community. Your support inspires us at the challenging and many times heaviness of a grief support group. It fuels us to educate anyone and everyone on suicide and mental health. To open the conversation and keep it going wherever and whenever possible.
We invite you to take a moment and explore our newly designed website. I’m am certain you will be pleased with the ease of navigation, the additional pictures that capture our events, and the resources to assist your with questions.
This grief support group is for young adults ages 18-29 who have experienced the death of a relative, partner, or friend. Join us for an opportunity to meet with others who are dealing with the various, and at times, the overwhelming range of reactions we can experience after the death of someone we love.
“How can I help?” I love that phrase. These words, I borrowed from the television program, New Amsterdam. Each time the profoundly warm hearted Dr. Max Goodwin met someone, he would ask, “How can I help?”
Four simple words, we can all live by.
Many of you reading this newsletter, are recipients of help from the Brian Dagle Foundation and Brian’s Healing Hearts. We’ve had the privilege of holding space for hundreds of people who are grieving the loss of someone in their life, providing a safe place for offer hope and healing.
The Brian Dagle Foundation had been at your school or workplace tohelp you understand with trainings on suicide prevention and mental health with evidenced based Gatekeeper trainings. The Lax2Live Lacrosse program for Suicide Prevention has been at at least 25 high school lacrosse fields, talking with the athletes, coaches, and fans as we share our story on the warning signs we didn’t see in our son.
Maybe you’d like to talk with Ann, host an event or fundraiser? Please take a moment to look through the recently updated website at
brianshealinghearts.org and wonder, how can we help?
Grief and Loss affect us both emotionally and physically. Through the use of gentle yoga poses, affirmations, and breathwork, the body has the ability to work through grief, moving it through our body, and allowing our broken hearts to heal. Understanding your grief and how it affects your entire being will be woven throughout the class. This popular workshop is open to individuals of all yoga levels who have experienced the loss of a loved one.
We are a group of survivors, together to offer support, comfort, and understanding. Our group provides an atmosphere of acceptance for exploring feelings that are often not understood by others. It offers a chance to share helpful resources, and to provide and receive support through the long grief process. Meetings are on the 1ST and 3RD Thursday of each month from 6:30-8 pm in Old Lyme.