November is for Brian

Every November since I began writing a newsletter, I try my best to share my thoughts about Brian and the emotions surrounding date he left this earth, November 12, 2011.

Eleven years.

Thinking about that day, really thinking about it – I question how I survived.

It feels like a lifetime.

It feels like yesterday.

My mind wanders a lot in the days leading up to November 12th.

Remembering, questioning, wondering about the days and weeks before. It wanders to the future that didn’t happen for him. For the person he didn’t grow to become. For the hugs I can no longer receive.

But I must believe Brian is here with us. I feel it. I know it in my heart. What other reason could there be for me being here.

I trust and believe that Brian’s story doesn’t end. He is not physically here with us but Brian is with every person he knew and loved. I see him within the hearts of his brothers. I see him in the unbreakable bond of his cousins and friends. In our own way, we live and love for him and all that he was. His story continues through each one of us.

Today and every day I promise to continue his story, to make a difference because of him. We will touch lives because of him. He is my reason for everything I do.

And to all who have followed my journey or have come into my life because of your loss and for those who have heard our message on suicide awareness: gratitude doesn’t describe the emotions within my heart. You have trusted me with your heart. I only hope that I continue to earn your trust as we walk together one step at a time.

With love and gratitude-